Technology for Rednecks LOG ON: Making a wood stove hot. LOG OFF: Too much wood on fire. MONITOR: Keep'n an eye on the wood stove. DOWNLOAD: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood. FLOPPY DISK: Whatcha git from tryin ta tote too much farwood. RAM: That thar thing what splits the farwood. HARD DRIVE: Gitten home in the winter time. WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it cold outside. SCREEN: Whut to shut when its black fly season. BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. MICRO CHIP: Whuts in the bottom of the munchie bag. MODEM: Whatcha do in the hay fields. DOT MATRIX: Ole Dan Matrix's wife. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. KEYBOARD: Whar you hang dem dang truck keys. SOFTWARE: Dem dang plastic forks and knives. MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn. MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer whar the mouse lives. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. PORT: Fancy flatlander wine. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all." CLICK: Whut ya hear when ya cock yer gun. DOUBLE CLICK: When you cock the double barrel. REBOOT: Whut ya hafta do right before bedtime, when ya hafta go to the outhouse.