Perfect Day for a Woman: 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 8:30 Weigh 5 lb. lighter than yesterday. 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out. 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor café. 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs. 1:00 Shopping with friends. 3:00 Nap. 4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer. 4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage. 5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two, followed by dancing. 10:00 Hot shower. Alone. 10:30 Make love. 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms. Perfect Day for a Man: 6:00 Alarm. 6:15 Blowjob. 6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section. 7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee. 7:30 Limo arrives. 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport. 8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia. 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. 9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par. 11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens. 12:15 Blowjob. 12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par. 2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis. 2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. 4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin -1249 lbs. 5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel. 7:00 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz. New York strip steak. 9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar. 10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs. 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi. 11:45 Go to bed. 11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room. 11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.