Some Words Of Wisdom Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Never buy a car you can't push. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late. When everything's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.